Five Life Skills Every Bengali Girl Needs
By Urmi Hossain
We live in a world where women are often marginalized, criticized for what they say or wear, and backlashed for wanting to choose themselves.
Growing up in a South Asian household, I can say women are often gender stereotyped. They are told they can’t do many things unless there is a male figure with them; they can’t pursue certain careers because their destiny is dictated by what society thinks is the norm, and they are told to sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to please family needs.
It is 2023, and things do not have to be this way. I believe that if you are Bengali, whether you are living in Bangladesh or elsewhere, it is important to empower yourself and to live life authentically.
Here are five skills that every Bengali needs to be more independent and live life boldly.
1. Financial Education
Bengali girls are often not taught finance growing up. It is not a subject that is taught at school, more than ever, it is also a taboo topic in many households.
Whether we talk about western or eastern societies, often men are at the head of finances leaving women with no knowledge of where bank accounts are or how to financially manage a moment of crisis.
Unfortunately, there have been episodes where for unexpected reasons, the male figures of the house passed away and women were left to handle the home finances without any knowledge of where to start.
There are many ways a woman can learn about basic financial concepts which could be through books, podcasts, or courses.
I highly recommend the following books for every Bengali girl wanting to learn finance:
Clever Girl Finance by Bola Sokunbi
Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
Grow Your Money by Bola Sokunbi
Financial literacy should be every girl’s right irrespective of her marital status. It is what we need as a basic necessity.
2. Self Defense Skills
It is unfortunate that sometimes we may end up in bad situations. Schools have gym programs, but none of them are about self-defense. Threatening episodes can happen anytime at any moment of the day.
Whether morning or night, protecting yourself from some danger is crucial for your survival.
Here are a few things you can apply if you want to protect yourself in danger.
Pre-attack indicators
Awareness
Emotional fitness
If you are walking alone down the street, always pay attention if you are being followed. Some key clues that may give it away are if for instance, the person following you keeps looking left and right, or starts walking at the same pace as you such as speeding up or slowing down like you.
Another factor you may want to pay attention to is being aware of your surroundings. When walking on the street, don't walk looking at your feet, but rather look up on the street with chin up, and monitor around. Being mindful of your surroundings can help to decrease the likelihood of being selected for an attack.
Lastly, if it ever happens that you are attacked, you need to be emotionally strong to attack your opponent, attack him in every hard way possible with attitude, skill, and plan. Fight like a warrior until you can free yourself.
There are courses nowadays offered to women only such as boxing and Muay Thai and these are excellent self-defense classes. They teach you basic self-defense movements and techniques to protect yourself during danger.
3. Advocating for yourself and your needs
In a society, where we are taught to please others and put others' needs first, it is totally normal to choose yourself and advocate for what's best for you. In many South Asian cultures, women have to give up many of their rights and follow what society expects them to do. Women are often not taught to speak up for themselves while seen as bossy and arrogant if they do. Unfortunately, the power of self- advocacy should be encouraged and spread in women.
Here is how you can build self- advocacy.
Have the ability to dream and pursue your goals - I often like to tell myself I am a superhero of my own life. Building a mindset where you see yourself as a superwoman, as someone who can conquer the world every day and face any obstacles is an incredible trait that can help you to build confidence and self-esteem.
Be OK with the uncomfortable - A person’s growth comes when you are comfortable with the uncomfortable. For instance, you work for a company, and you want to raise a concern about something you don’t like. Don’t stay quiet and let that upset you, but have the courage to bring it up to whomever it may concern. It happens that many times women feel they deserve a promotion, but often they don’t do much to tell their employers because they don’t feel good enough. This is when you have to embrace the challenge and believe that you are good enough and fight for whatever you deserve.
Embrace fear - We often see fear as something that is negative but with time, I learned that it has liberated me and brought me to learn more about myself and my potential.
Fear should be seen as a friend and not an enemy, as something that will bring us closer to our true self. There is a quote by an author which has resonated with me so much, and it says, “Fear is the light that is meant to guide us.” If you want to grow, see fear as an ally and make it part of your journey to growth.
Develop a mindset where the sky is the limit - I think as Bengali girls, we feel we are limited in how much we can do, and how much we can achieve, but building a mindset of unlimitedness can show that anything is possible. You can start your day with self-positive affirmations, journaling, and vision boards. By taking actions on these little things, you will start visualizing how much you can obtain in life.
Be part of a community - Growth comes also with having a circle of people that uplift you and encourage you to follow your dreams. We need to surround ourselves with people that are willing to see us thriving and cheering for us in this journey. Finding community is easy nowadays. There are many groups and communities available online in various social medias. It is about finding the right group of people that share the same values as you.
4. Journey of Self-Love
Bengali cultures never talk about loving yourself first before loving anyone else. It is a culture very much emphasized on pleasing others. Choosing to love you first before loving someone else is not act of selfishness, but rather taking care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. The journey of self-love is long, but vital for our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. We can’t spread love if we don’t love ourselves.
To develop the journey of self-love is easy:
Get to know who you are - Be curious and follow your intention. Do you want to try something? Don’t let anyone to stop you. It is only through exploring you will learn what you like and dislike.
Practice mindfulness through simple walks, journaling, mediating and even working out.
Set healthy boundaries - Boundaries are needed to protect yourself and who you are. As girls, we are taught to always yes, but if something is not aligned with our values, a simple NO is more than enough. Boundaries are needed to protect yourself and build a healthy life.
Forgive yourself and have grace on yourself - Don’t beat yourself up for mistakes you have made. We are humans after all. We have emotions and its OK if today you are not able to achieve something. When you have moments like this, think about what you would tell your younger self.
Practice self-care - Simple actions such as indulging yourself in healthy meals, working out, or even pampering yourself with a nice massage are acceptable things to do. Always be kind to yourself.
Love yourself for who you are - As Bengali girls, we are often criticized for how big we are or how dark we are, but remember beauty comes in different sizes and colors. There is no one standard of beauty, but beauty is being you and your authentic self.
5. Being Resourceful
This last skill is very important to lead a life where you are fully independent. One thing that I think every girl should pursue is a thirst for knowledge. Always invest in yourself, with books, courses, and workshops. Seek for help and advice from coaches and mentors. Learn through observations and always live with a curiosity mindset. There is nothing more fierce than a smart woman.
To conclude, as a woman, you have the power and voice within you. It is a matter of cultivating it. Aspire to be a self-made woman and no matter what you are, whether a sister, daughter, or mother, you will always be a complete woman.
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Urmi Hossain is a volunteer with Speak Up for the Poor. She is Bengali by blood and Italian by birth. She works in the financial services industry in Canada, where she currently lives. Urmi is a self-published author and speaker, and an advocate of women's empowerment who is passionate about teaching and mentoring other girls and women. You can find Urmi on LinkedIn.
